As the New Year unfolds, so do new experiences and adventures. Two weeks ago I recieved an unsolicited book in the mail entitled '1040A'. At first I was not going to do my taxes because I really wasn't interested or motivated. And the book was not notably recommended by Amazon or Oprah. So it sat on my counter for a few days. Out of boredom I decided to pick it up and look at the cover. Seeing the Statue of Liberty raise her hand up proud and high at a 90-degree angle, the bright red '1040' and the effect of specular lighting enhanced by photoshop made me say "Hmm.... this may be an interesting read. I was going to re-read Anna Kerenina, but this looks more interesting." And as I turned the page as the joy leaped from my warming fingers, there was a preface from one of the most famous IRS-philosophers ever, Douglas H. Shulman. And it began like this; "Dear Taxpayer, U.S. Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr. notably said "Taxes are what we pay for civilized society." And so far we are in complete agreement. As it continues, "We should be proud that the vast majority of American citizens pay their taxes honestly and of their own free will" What the fuck?? Who do they think they kidding?? Hardly nobody is honest to the IRS. People cheatin on other people who cheat. Despite this, I decided to read on. So I read it over from front to back, as it says. And I'm not filling it out for moral reasons. I was deeply offended in 2008 with questions like "Are you Married?" and "Do you have any children??" So I'm going to write a letter, stating my conflicts of beliefs, and mail it back to them. But I did grab an extra copy at the library to fill out just in case there is an economic stimulus plan later. I also e-mailed Oprah and told her "girlfriend, this book sucks. Even worse than that book by that blonded-haired bitch who said the holocaust never happened and ran IBM and Dell ads on her website that appeared on Fox News by mistake. Have a prosperous New Year!" Tolya
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